The Official Cosmic Blackbox Contributions Chart
Who is actually funding this mission? Let's check the charts.
• 
Aries: Send $10 immediately because they want to be the first person on the list. (Competitive Giving)
• 
Taurus: Send $20 because they appreciate "high-quality transmissions" and understand that luxury rocket fuel isn't cheap. (The Solid Contributors)
• 
Gemini: Send $5 twice. They want to make sure both of their personalities are credited for the donation. (The Dual Contributor).
• 
Cancer: Send $10 and sends a 3-paragraph DM asking if I've eaten today and if the satellites are keeping me warm, (It doesn’t, Cancer. Thats why we need the $20 tier for heat) (The Caregivers)
• 
Leo: Send $50 but only if I promise to shout out their name in the next deep-space broadcast. (The Royal Sponsors)
• 
Virgo: Send exactly $12.42 to cover the exact cost of one high-end espresso plus tax. (The Precision Funders)
• 
Libra: Spends 45 minutes deciding between a $10 or $25, eventually sends $12.50 to keep the scales balanced. (The Harmonizers)
• 
Scorpio: Send $100 anonymously. I don’t know who they are, but I feel like they’re watching me through the webcam. (The Silent Partners)
• 
Sagittarius: Send $15 while currently at an airport in a country they don't live in. (The Global Investors)
• 
Capricorn: Send $100 as a tax-deductible business expense for "Educational Research." (The Executive Board)
• 
Aquarius: Send $4.20 or $6.90 just for the meme, then explains how money is a social construct. (The Visionaries)
• 
Pisces: Send $50 by accident. They were trying to send "Peace and Love" but their astral thumb hit the PayPal button while day dreaming. (The Dream Weaver)
Mission to Mars expense report
- 70% High-Octane Propellant (Espresso): This is the primary fuel source. its used to prevent the pilot from entering an "involuntary sleep stasis" during late night transit mapping.
- 15% Satellite Uplink Maintenance (The Wi-fi Bill): Space is a vacuum, but high speed internet isn't. This ensures the transmission actually reach earth without glitching into the void.
- 10% Vibration Maintenance Fee: This covers the emotional labor of dealing with Mercury Retrograde. its essentially a "patience fund" so I don't delete the blog when the stars get messy.
- 5% Emergency Space Snacks: Mostly cosmic brownies, croissant and dark chocolate. Necessary for maintaining blood sugar during deep-space research sessions.
